


Not to Me

by Soulvaren5555



Series: Clone Wars Febuwhump 2021 [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Ahsoka Tano Gets a Hug, Ahsoka Tano Needs a Hug, Ahsoka Tano is a Sibling to the Clones, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Feels, FebuWhump2021, Gen, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Insomnia, Mentions of Slavery, No Beta We Die Like Clones, Okay this is more hurt/comfort than whump but still, Post-Zygerria Arc (Star Wars: Clone Wars), Sad Ahsoka Tano, Sad with a Happy Ending, The Clones are people too, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-14 14:27:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29172621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Soulvaren5555/pseuds/Soulvaren5555
Summary: Febuwhump 2021 - Day 2: "I can't take this anymore" | Day 6: InsomniaAfter the hell that was Zygerria, Ahsoka is plagued by nightmares and starts losing sleep. Not only that, but she can't stop thinking about something that has bothered her for a long time, pertaining to the clones. After a week of not talking to anyone about it, she decides to seek out her brothers.
Relationships: 501st Legion & Ahsoka Tano, Ahsoka Tano & CT-5385 | Tup, Ahsoka Tano & Clone Troopers, CT-27-5555 | ARC-5555 | Fives & Ahsoka Tano, CT-5597 | Jesse & Ahsoka Tano, CT-6116 | Kix & Ahsoka Tano, CT-7567 | Rex & Ahsoka Tano
Series: Clone Wars Febuwhump 2021 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2139531
Kudos: 78





	Not to Me

**Author's Note:**

> I know I'm technically posting this on the 3rd, but I finished writing it RIGHT before midnight, so it counts right-
> 
> Well well, how about that Zygerria arc huh... dark. I have a few problems with it, but damn if it didn't make me feel things for my favorite characters! Season 4 in general is dark and I'm living for it
> 
> This isn't so much whump as it is hurt/comfort, but I tried and I still enjoyed writing it, so! Had a good time either way! (That's probably gonna be like half of the stuff I write for Febuwhump isn't it-)

The mission to Zygerria and Kadavo was completely and utterly _draining_. Not that Ahsoka was willingly going to show any signs of that; she hadn’t wanted to visit the medbay, but she didn’t have a choice. She was required to go, along with Anakin, Obi-Wan and Rex. At least she was able to check on the other three.

She was fairly certain they suffered more than she did. She could not understate how much of a _mess_ Obi-Wan looked compared to the rest of them. She could tell something was bothering Anakin, even though he hid it from everyone. Rex was a similar case. Then again, it was to be expected from all of them, let alone Anakin and Rex. They were all stubborn in their own way.

Even after a full week, with no mention of Zygerria or Kadavo whatsoever, it still haunted her when the day fell. Every time she drifted to sleep, she was awoken by nightmares of being back in that cage, electricity coursing through her veins, her friends being beaten and enslaved. She didn’t seek anyone out for comfort at first; she would normally go to Anakin or Rex, but given the fact they also suffered through the hell that was Zygerria, they probably still needed time to recover.

Unfortunately, she started losing sleep. It wasn’t uncommon for her to get less sleep than she should these days; that was how it was for her Master. This didn’t feel much different from the other missions and battles she partook in. She didn’t want to see the horrifying images again, and thus, she would keep herself up using any means necessary. Pacing the room, roaming the Resolute when few people were awake, working on reports, staring at a wall...

Anything she could do to protect herself from the nightmares, even if it meant being dizzy and unable to walk straight.

The difference was the reflection that took place while she avoided sleeping. She always reflected on her battles. It helped her move forward, and she could always take lessons away from them. There was always something to learn, even if she didn’t do anything wrong. Her central thoughts after Zygerria weren’t new; it was something she’d thought about for the longest time, and it pertained not only to her brothers in the 501st, but the clone army as a whole.

Ahsoka found herself in front of their quarters, silently staring at the door. It was late into the night, and once again, she couldn’t go to sleep. A part of her recognized the effect her lack of sleep was having on her, yet the other half reminded her of what she would see if she closed her eyes. Distracting herself alone wasn’t working so well anymore.

She noticed the lights were still on inside the room, meaning Rex and the boys were still awake. Or maybe it was only Rex. Hell, it could’ve been any one of them who wasn’t sleeping at this time of night. Either way, there was someone to talk to in there, and maybe that was what she needed to get rid of the dark circles underneath her heavy eyes.

She raised a hand, went to open the door, only to freeze on the spot. She pulled her hand back and glanced at the floor. What if they were all asleep, but they didn’t turn off the lights? If she weren’t so tired, she would have labeled that a stupid thought. She’d never seen them sleep without turning them off before. If they were actually asleep, she didn’t want to be a burden and wake them up. She was starting to think she should go back to her room and distract herself the usual way-

She shook her head as she stepped forward without further hesitation and opened the door to the barracks. Her throat closed up as soon as she caught sight of five familiar faces, a watery smile forming on her face. Rex was finishing up a report, while Fives, Jesse, Kix and Tup were playing a card game on one of the bunks. Everyone’s attention turned on her as soon as she appeared in the entrance.

“Commander?” Rex stood up, studying her exhausted appearance with concern. He looked tired as well, but not nearly as tired as her. “Is something wrong?”

“Rex,” she whispered, her voice shaking ever so slightly. “Everyone, I...”

Before she knew what she was doing, she stumbled into the room and towards Rex. She nearly veered into a nearby bunk, but the Captain caught her in time. She threw her arms around him, tears welling up in her eyes. He was taken off guard for a second before he returned the embrace.

“I-I can’t sleep,” she stammered, trembling in Rex’s arms. “The nightmares, they won’t... they keep coming...”

She noticed his hold on her tightening a little as she admitted what was wrong with her. She waited until he loosened his grip to pull back. “I-I’m sorry... if I’m interrupting you guys, I can lea-”

“It’s okay, littl’un,” he reassured her quietly, cutting her off before she could finish. He pulled back and led her over to the bunk where the others were. They set their cards aside and made space for her to sit down. She didn’t bother to wipe the tears now running down her face.

“You can talk to us,” Fives said gently. “You’re not interrupting anything.”

“Yeah,” Tup chimed in. “We’re here for you.”

Jesse and Kix both nodded in unison. Ahsoka looked between all of them, and she couldn’t help but smile. She took a deep, shuddering breath.

“Thank you,” she breathed, relieved. She dipped her head and stared at her hands, which were clasped together in her lap.

“Always glad to help,” Rex replied, kneeling down to her level. “Is this about... Zygerria?”

A chill instantly slithered down her spine. Just hearing the name of that planet was enough to unnerve her. “Kind of,” she admitted. She breathed deeply once more, trying to calm herself before she could completely break down.

“I was thinking about you guys. The whole experience with those slavers... it reminded me of you all.”

They all looked confused. “What do you mean?” Jesse inquired.

Ahsoka sighed shakily, refusing to look up. “I-it’s not fair. The clones, they’re treated like nothing by most. Like... like they’re not _people_. I’ve seen it, and you’ve all seen it, _experienced_ it, but I can’t, I can’t ever _do_ anything, and I want to do something because it’s not _fair-”_

A sob from her stopped her from continuing. Once they started, she couldn’t stop the fresh tears from flowing. Kix placed a comforting hand on her shoulder, while Tup gently unlaced her fingers and took one of her hands in his. She finally looked up at him, struggling to breathe without hiccuping or choking on her sobs.

“ _Vod’ika_ , it’s not your fault,” Tup began. “We were made to be soldiers, we-”

Rex gave him a look, as if silently warning him to stop, but it was too late. A spark of anger flared in Ahsoka’s chest, and she flinched away, a surprise expression on Tup’s face. She already knew where he was about to go with this, and she wasn’t going to let any of them give her the same spiel again.

“ _No!”_ she forced out, trembling fiercely now. “I can’t take this anymore, I can’t! Don’t you dare tell me you’re meant to be expendable! None of you are, not to me! You all deserve _so much better_ , surely you must understand that!”

Her voice cracked, the words coming out faster than she could process them, but that didn’t stop her. “P-please don’t say that, please, I’m tired of hearing it... please, you’re all important and I want to help, but I can’t help, because I’m just a child and they won’t... _kriff_ , I’m so _sorry-”_

She was quickly enveloped in a tight embrace, courtesy of Fives. Instead of pushing him away, she pressed herself against him, aggressive sobs racking her entire body.

“Don’t be sorry, _vod’ika,”_ he whispered to her. “What Tup meant to say is that expendable is what we were made to be, but that doesn’t mean we have to believe it ourselves.”

Tup hesitated before hugging the Togruta as well, approaching her from across Fives. “I’m the one who should be sorry. I didn’t know it would hurt you so much.”

Ahsoka turned her attention to him, trying to smile, but it was barely there. “I-i-it’s okay, Tup,” she murmured, sniffling.

Jesse smiled at her. “We’re honored to have someone who cares so much about us. Between you and Skywalker, I’d say we got pretty lucky with our Commander and General.”

“Couldn’t agree more,” Kix added, giving her a reassuring grin.

Rex smirked as well. “You’re not wrong about that. We appreciate your care, Commander, but don’t forget, we care about you as well.”

“I... I-I know...”

“Good.”

Rex wrapped his arms around the three, followed by Jesse and Kix, until they were effectively in a cuddle pile. Ahsoka let everything that had been building up out, shaking and crying, and her brothers were there for her, as they always said they would be. They held her until she cried herself to sleep.

No nightmares came to her that night.

**Author's Note:**

> I love Ahsoka and the clones, Your Honor
> 
> (I initially wasn't going to combine two prompts but it just came naturally so I rolled with it)


End file.
